Shaping Our Boys

A lot of the struggles we see in marriages and in adulthood with men… they don’t just show up out of nowhere. They start in childhood. They start from the generational belief that men shouldn’t be “weak” by showing emotion.

They start with what we as parents say to our children.

How many times have we heard it, or even said it ourselves?
“Don’t cry.”
“Suck it up.”
“Shake it off.”
Or my very least favorite, “Quit crying before I give you something to cry about.”

While this happens with girls too, more often than not, those words are directed at little boys.

What we may not realize in the moment is that those phrases are doing more than an attempt at stopping a behavior, they’re shaping a belief.

A belief that says:
I can’t feel.
I shouldn’t have emotions.
If I do, something’s wrong with me.

So those little boys grow up trying to be “tough.” They learn to push things down, stay quiet, and ignore what’s going on inside. And then one day, they’re adults… in relationships… in marriages… and they don’t know how to communicate what they’re feeling.

Not because they don’t have feelings.
But because they were never taught it was safe to express them.

So instead, they sit in it.
They shut down.
They “suck it up.”

Or they believe their voice, their emotions, or their perspective don’t really matter.

And all of that traces back to those early moments.

That’s why this matters so much.

Because when we respond differently to a child, especially a little boy, we have the chance to change that story.

Instead of shutting them down, what if we leaned in?

What if we said,
“Hey, I see you’re having big feelings.”
“Talk to me about what’s going on.”

What if we validated them, and didn’t dismiss them?

Because here’s the truth: children are humans too.
They do have feelings.
And it is okay.

Teaching emotional regulation doesn’t mean letting kids run wild with their emotions. It means helping them understand them. It means giving them language, safety, and space to process what they’re feeling.

And those small moments? They matter more than we think.

Because when we change how we respond now, we’re not just helping a child in the moment, we're shaping the kind of adult they’ll become.

The kind of husband.
The kind of father.
The kind of man who knows how to feel, communicate, and connect.

And that has the power to impact generations.